Hooray for The Onion

The Onion dropped a bombshell about Pat Riley's attempted seduction of NBA Commish David Stern,

"In a gorgeous tux, with his hair perfectly oiled and his nails buffed clean and his skin smelling of sandalwood, cinnamon, and treachery."

Mmm. Cinnamon.

Pat Riley's Sexual Bribes Tempt David Stern To Allow Heat Into Playoffs

NEW YORK—Sources close to the NBA commissioner say David Stern may yet succumb to the powerfully intoxicating sexual advances of Miami head coach Pat Riley and, in so doing, be convinced to allow the 12-57 Heat to enter the...